Between Peace & Joy:Life in the Valley Vincy Style

...your energy is where you last left it

2012-01-27T17:29:00.000-08:00

I went home in December for about 15 days. I am grateful I was able to go home and spend time with my loved ones. I am truly appreciative for all that I have been blessed with in my life. Returning to SVG was a strange unexpected adjustment. Since I was only gone 15 days it didn't cross my mind that a minor re-adjustment was in order.

The first 2 days were wonderful, honeymoon stage all over again. But then something happened. I still can't fully put it into words but I felt pretty detached from the life I had grown accustomed to here. Things were just gray and "blah". I was going through the motions, a shell playing a role.

With time and putting forth the effort to allow things to simply just be (ironic I know, but I had to intentionally NOT try to "fix" things), and support from fellow PCVS on and off island, the clouds gradually parted.

After a wonderful heart to heart with my parents I entered into 2012 with a spark lit deep inside. Yes I have 16 months whole months remaining, but I am all to aware of how quickly those 16 months will fly by. I spent much of 2011 grounding myself , finding my sense of balance in SVG, traveling inward more than I ever have before . At this point, I am ready to fully extend myself and create the experience to be remembered for a 'lifetime'.

It is becoming crystal clear to me that each and every volunteer has come here to experience this time in their own unique way. Comparison is truly death. The beauty of this position is the flexibility awarded (within the confines of being attached to the U.S. government) to give as much or as little of yourself as you desire, however you choose to do so. You can focus on the negatives, allow the constraints to become your ball and chain or you can just as easily focus on the beauty and abundant potential that exist within many budding spirits who are open to expansion, collaboration and fellowship with others.

"My tears were not for Bailey or Mother or even myself but for the helplessness of mortals who live on the sufferance of life. In order to avoid this bitter end, we would all have to be born again and born with the knowledge of alternatives. Even then?" -Maya Angelou

...each day offers the opportunity to see with fresh eyes.

WHY JUST ASK THE DONKEY?

2012-01-27T17:13:00.000-08:00

Why
Just ask the donkey in me
To speak to the donkey in you,
When I have so many other beautiful animals
And brilliant colored birds inside
That are all longing to say something wonderful
And exciting to your heart?

Let’s open all the locked doors upon our eyes
That keep us from knowing the Intelligence
That begets love
And a more lively and satisfying conversation
With the Friend.

Let’s turn loose our golden falcons
So that they can meet in the sky
Where our spirits belong –
Necking like two
Hot kids.

Let’s hold hands and get drunk near the sun
And sing sweet songs to GodUntil He joins us with a few notes
From His own sublime lute and drum.

If you have a better idea
Of how to pass a lonely night
After your glands may have performed
All their little magic
Then speak up sweethearts, speak up,
For Hafiz and all the world will listen.

Why just bring your donkey to me
Asking for stale hay
And a boring conference with the idiot
In regards to this precious matter –Such a precious matter as love,
When I have so many other diving animals
And brilliant colored birds inside
That are all longing
To so sweetly
Greet
You!
~Hafiz

Books -n- Smiles

2011-12-09T19:13:00.000-08:00

Students w/ the newer books

stay tuned for more updates on the books and the library :)

...Vincy Vibe

2011-12-09T10:42:00.000-08:00

Today was beautiful! Walking through the streets of Kingstown I felt so vibrant and alive. The sun was beating hot 'pon me skin but boi it sure beats the rain!! I felt like I was in tune with the hum and rhythm of the city. Beautiful faces, beautiful smiles. It was contagious, I couldn't help but notice my face relax a bit as I mirrored the lovely people I encountered along the way. I would describe it as feeling that Vincy Vibe as my friend Lizzie Davies has so eloquently described it in her poetry. I kept thinking... I kinda love this place.

Today was a good day. Me nah stress.

I confess, I did it.

2011-12-03T21:13:00.000-08:00

How it started: So this was my first Thanksgiving away from my family in a long time. I was just fine most of the day. Most of the island post hold their own version of a Thanksgiving gathering and celebrate with local friends as well as Peace Corps Staff. It is a nice way for volunteers to share our various Thanksgiving traditions with one another as well as local friends.

Where it when wrong: Skype date with the family- Fail. We tried to get a connection for about 10 minutes. Sensing my frustrations they tried to keep a smile on their faces but it just wasn't going down. resulted in a stream of unpleasant emotions accompanied by an empty house topped with a dollop of self-pity.

Solution: revert back to the insane logic that material things can make you happy aka retail therapy. 12:01am Black Friday online, yes I did it. And honestly clicking away adding items to my shopping cart offered a moment of comfort.

Side note: After sharing this minor meltdown with a Vincentian friend she inquired about Black Friday. She said it seems bizarre and contradictory that Americans have such a day directly after Thanksgiving. She kept asking but why after Thanksgiving?...after responding with a slew of programmed answers we both laughed because we knew she was right. It makes absolutely no sense. I think many of us know this, and many people have removed themselves from all the hype. So no, it is not ALL Americans but obviously a significant amount of us, and this year I became part of the masses.blah.

Results: a few good deals on items I actually really wanted and can use (can't even fudge and say need). Oh well the damage is done but I will say I feel 100% prepared to step into 2012 with appropriate wrinkle, rust, hole, mold free attire. Maybe this will end the ongoing discussion between my coworkers and I about my wrinkles and permanent lint ball fuzzy things that I refuse show much concern about when highlighted by my coworkers.

Countdown is on, 14 days until I am back home for a visit!!!!!!

The Books are here!!

2011-11-23T09:00:00.000-08:00

I wanted to let everyone who donated to the school via Hands Across the Sea that the new books and arts supplies have arrived at the school!

It was quite an exciting day for all of us. I will be posting pictures and videos soon.

We are still in the process of working out a few minor details within our library center (i.e. library cards, a few more shelves). Once this is complete we intend to hold a special ceremony to present the new material to the students and parents. The goal is for the teachers, students and parents to recommit to care and upkeep of the library and new material.

Again, thank you for all of your support. Pictures and thank you notes coming soon :)

Morning Assembly

Students with older books ( going in the give away pile)

Grade 1 reading corner- older books

Sunday reflections

2011-11-22T16:14:00.000-08:00

...I have come to the conclusion that I am much more of an introvert than previously thought

Photo by KP

...with that said, cooking is more fun when there is someone else to enjoy the meal with.

...we create our reality which is largely defined by our perception of our experiences

...I plucked another gray hair today *sigh*

... in life the RESTART button works wonders (try it!)

...I will be home to visit in less than a month (big big smile)

...Silence is as essential as sound, listening and speaking with your heart takes practice

#30daythankyou

2011-11-15T06:00:00.000-08:00

#30daythankyou

Final post of the 30 day gratitude campaign. Thanks again to up and coming author Kenya Jackson for setting this in motion. A wonderful way to celebrate 11.11.11. (World Day of Interconnectedness) and Day of Thanks this month. I just love November- Sweet Sweet November. The big day is right around the corner sending you much support. Remember it is what we do "in the meantime" that keeps our innermost desires on target."Your energy is where you last left it"...

Day 27: I am thankful for my Angels (Caroline, Chel and Lainie). Life has taken us many directions at this point but you all still hold a dear and special place in my heart.

Day 28: I am thankful for Meadow. You have been a guide, confidant, friend, advisor, sister- you role in my life shall continue to evolve just as you do. Happy Birthday my love!!

Day 29: I am thankful for Fousey, Doc and my PR family. Your support, love and encouragement over the years has been akin to a big sister. Thank you for welcoming into the PR fam years ago. Thank you for being the voice of reason time and time again :)

Day 30: I am thankful for N-butter P. Through it all, you were there. Many a lesson we have shared. Thank you.

#30Daythankyou

2011-11-11T17:40:00.000-08:00

#30daythankyou

Day 23: I am thankful for Nurse Freda. Your loving kindness and open door make the not so great days more bearable.

Day 24: I am thankful for sweet lil Talucia who helps me bring in each day by shouting J-e-uh!!

Day 25: I am thankful for KH (and her insomnia). Thank you for all your support and encouragement the last few months. Thank you for just listening when the rest of the world is sound asleep.

Day 26: I am thankful for my Brother and his family. The little ones are a source of my joy and smiles on many days.

#30daythankyou

2011-11-07T05:41:00.000-08:00

#30daythankyou

Day 17: I am thankful for Dianne, my guide in the world of emotional wellness and spiritual healing. The year of work we shared allowed me to embrace this experience with a fearless wide open heart. Thank you.

Day 18: I am thankful for Nat-P and your many pep talks my first 8 months in SVG. Thank you for taking the time just to listen.

Day 19: I am thankful for SMV. Your support and encouragement over the years has been a subtle guiding light in many ways. Thank you for pushing me to find comfort in my own skin.

Day 20: I am thankful for my Aunt Anita. Thank you for helping me navigate the tricky years of early-mid 20's. Your voice continues to help me live from my truth and embrace the fact that in life, we change.

Day 21: I am thankful for Heather Rango Dollins for taking the time out to show my locs some love. This process would not have been nearly as exciting without you :)

Day 22: I am thankful for mini me, Juelle. Your spirit continues to brighten my life and at the same time shine a light on those dark places that need tending to. Such a wise young soul.

#30daythankyou

2011-10-31T18:25:00.000-07:00

#30daythankyou

Day 8: I am thankful for all those who took time to donate to Hands Across the Sea in efforts to raise funds for a shipment of books, school & art supplies to Cane End Government School. You guys are truly appreciated!! :

** MEADOW OVERSTREET**, Kara , Bridget Woods, Astrid Prudent, Jessime, T-Free!, Aunt Gloria &Uncle Rodney, Aunt Vikki & Rinson, Solimar & Mateo :), Celesteeee, Doc Anita, Ilona Gordon, Danyel Hickling and Jocelyn Taylor.

And thank you to Harriet and Tom for doing what you do.Thank you!!

Day 9: I am thankful for Everlyn, you are so on it!

Day 10: I am thankful for Lizzie and her circle of peace movement!
Day 11: I am thankful for my Grandmothers and their ongoing support :)

Day 12: I am thankful for the Yoga instructor who shared her practice with me today.

Day 13: I am thankful for all the wonderful PCVS in Dominica who showed us around their beautiful country! (Alex, Wil, Amirh and Sam)

Day 14: I am thankful for Wil and Alex!! You guys are truly amazing. Thank you.

Day 15: I am thankful for to Father J. Christmas and his generous heart.

Day 16: I am thankful for the van driver who squeezed me in today.

#30daythankyou

2011-10-23T15:15:00.000-07:00

#30daythankyou- Myquaterlifespace.com

Day 5: I am thankful for my Principal , Mrs. Ave Stephens Weeks and Mrs. Rouna Burke for their ongoing support and encouragement with everything I do inside and outside of the school.

Day 6: I am thankful for Camille A. and her divine Yoga offerings she shares with this island. My neck , shoulders and spirit thank you soo much!

Day 7: I am thankful for Biggs not only for her amazing care packages but also for always checking in to make sure I am solid on the inside.

#30daythankyou

2011-10-20T16:33:00.000-07:00

So I am joining this 30daythankyou campaign started by aspiring author Kenya Jackson. The 30 days of gratitude was inspired by her countdown to hearing news about a recent proposal she submitted to HayHouse, very exciting! The 30 days is also in memory of her mother who transitioned from this life 17 years ago. What a beautiful way to honor her spirit.

Check her out at Myquaterlifespace.com and feel free to join the campaign.

Day 1: I am thankful for My Parents - I love, admire , respect and appreciate you both more than words can ever express.

Day 2: I am thankful for Mr. E for giving me a ride home in the rain today :)

Day 3: I am thankful for baby M, the newborn spending the first 6 months of her life in prison with her mom. I get to hug and love on her a few hours each week. Her sparkling eyes and innocent smile brighten my day so much.

Day 4: I am thankful for Michelle Saulters- my heart sister :) I can't even begin to express my gratitude and love for you in this post because this will turn into a novel. *cheers* to many more nights filled with fishnets and fancy penguins :)

For the Love of : Simplicity

2011-10-19T18:14:00.000-07:00

I was chatting with another volunteer that just completed her 2 years of service about how my school year was going. Almost automatically I responded: " It is great , I enjoy the kids but not so much what I am doing with the kids. I could stand to be there just 2 days a week". I think many of us share the sentiments that teaching might not be our life's aspiration. I have said this in many previous post but shot out to My mother and all my friends that are dedicated, passionate teachers- you all have a gift !!

Anyway, so I am on my spiel about wanting to find a way to reach the kids and connect with them in my own way but also feeling as if the need to help them strengthen their reading and writing abilities is far to great to bypass.

She commented on having similar thoughts over the last two years. She said it all became pretty simple after having a close friend that attended schools here his whole life tell her " All I needed was someone that cared, someone like you that showed they care".

(I can't speak on all of the schools here but some of them continue to utilize fear based tactics to keep order. Some of them still use physical lashing as means of discipline, belittling and berating as means of correcting. Often times the students have been so conditioned by this method of learning it is difficult for them to respond to a more egalitarian, empathetic method. )

In that moment - ...well yea, a lot made sense. So simple. Why do I keep trying to make this more complicated than it is?? *chuckle* ...just keep showing them that you care, period. Got it!

This one, is a handful. Mirror work in the flesh!
She keeps me soft hearted during trying moments.

First year at the top Secondary School for Boys! So proud of him.

"Sovereignty of the imagination is the greatest liberation"

2011-10-18T16:34:00.000-07:00

In honor of St. Vincent and the Grenadines Independence Day on October 27th, I attended the Annual Independence Lecture put on by the University of the West Indies. The guest speaker was Dr. George Lamming. I knew nothing of him prior to this talk, however I felt strongly compelled to attend. I am glad I followed my gut on the WHAT and allowed the HOWS to be ironed out along the way.

Dr. Lamming's official lecture was "Rethinking Perspectives on Independence". Being honest, the hour plus talk did not do it for me. It would have been heaven for a history buff though! Thank goodness patience is one of the many virtues being fine tuned during my Peace Corps experience. Once the formal speech was done the floor was opened up for the Q&A session and before I knew it 2 more hours had passed! This 84 year old precious white haired artist/poet/philosopher- creator in every sense of the word began to reveal his true vibrant colors. His words appeared to transcend chronological age, linear time, color, region, religion...he spoke from his hearts truth, his experience with the dance of life- Wisdom.

The discussion shifted to more of a focus on modern citizenship and social issues that currently exist in St. Vincent in the Grenadines. Much of the Q&A was centered on the education system. It was so refreshing to be amongst individuals that are not only aware of the problems that exist in their country, aren't afraid to verbalize this problems to "save face" but most importantly crave CHANGE and ACTION. I am just about 2 months into the 2011-2012 school year and this burst of energy and light was right on time.

Some points made by Dr. Lamming that stuck out to me:

The purpose of having a higher education campus such as the University of the West Indies in SVG should not be solely to produce academics with degrees. The University should expand its mission to include producing citizens that will transform the current reality of its people for the better. The education system doesn't need more teachers doing the same thing, it needs to be completely transformed from within.

A culture of collaboration over competiveness appears to have greater benefits, especially in the world of politics. When one party wins, 50% of the people are disenfranchised for 5 years. This cycle of competition serves very few.

The foundation of primary school education should be founded in the arts. The Arts sharpen your observation skills, release the imagination, cultivates higher order functioning. Dr. Lamming focuses on reaching out to kids at the primary school level . He emphasized this is where the major change needs to occur. Dr. Lamming inquired if St. Vincent created an environment in which imagination has a place to live.

He went on to criticize those who seek PhDs as "Terminal Degrees". Meaning, some people lose their lives to academics, knowledge, facts. They lose sight of humanistic side of research. He wonders how effective one can be if they spend years upon years reading about life and people instead of experiencing life and people.

And in closing, as most people above the age of 80 often do (rightly so, they have earned it!) - he completely removed his filter and spoke very candidly about "off shore" campuses and institutions from other countries coming into the islands and setting up shop. He spoke on the underlying implications of hosting "parasites in paradise".

...to the little people , to life, to imagination *cheers* Dr. Lamming. Thank you.

...virtual hugs

2011-10-12T20:48:00.000-07:00

The past few weeks have been wonderful. I am finally feeling at home here, enjoying the school year (I LOVE the little kiddos). I am creating opportunities to travel, collaborating on some powerful exciting projects (VSPCA, Basic Computer Skills @ the Women’s Prison, afterschool reading group with STAR APPLE, mentoring at the girls home and HIV/AIDS outreach with CARE SVG) . I am full in so many ways.

At the same time I have continued to ensure I have my down time to indulge in inner work. This has become essential to maintaining my sense of balance and stability here. Reading, writing, reflecting...I crave this space - transformative, truly.

As the countdown nears to my visit home in December about (10 weeks out), I remind myself not to get caught up in plans of the future.  This can be quite difficult on some days (I have already started a list of places to go, people to see and things to eat!) . At times I miss my friends and family more than I ever imagined I would. In those moments, I try to give thanks to the feeling of love and life shared between those I hold close to my heart and I .

My wish is to continue to live each day fully here, keeping in mind that each day is indeed a gift. 24 hours of this life on earth that I will never get back. One less day in my 27-month experience as volunteer. Yet also one more birthday, one more celebration, or family gathering that I am unable to attend.

As I countdown the days until I am in the comfort and presence of my loved ones, I try to remember to continue to breathe in all that is before me.

This might sound dramatic but it is as if I am existing within two worlds right now. Slowly giving more of myself to one while reluctantly retreating a little more each day from another. I guess that is part of exploration? You must set sail in order to reach new lands.

~Drifting somewhere in-between~

...so when skyping just doesn't cut it, just know I miss you guys- very very very much.

“love one another, but make not a bond of love:
let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.”
― Khalil Gibran

Precious Moments: Life lessons from a 6yr old

2011-09-22T14:56:00.000-07:00

So the school year is off to a pretty good start. I am working with grades 1 & 3 this year instead of 4-6. The principal shook a lot of things up. She created an entire remedial class for grade 4 boys that were held back. This motivated her to put a lot of emphasis on early intervention strategies. I applaud her for trying new things to see what combination works. I tease her and call her Joe Clark :) As you can imagine, working with the little kiddos is quite different. I am enjoying it so far. They are full of smiles, hugs and giggles.

...part of my conversation with Tia as we walked home from school:

Me: Tia, why did you pour out your drink???
Tia: It nah have no sugar
Me: Tiaaaa you can’t only drink juice, water is good for you !
Tia: Teacha, me drink wata me cough, wata make me sick
Me: for true?
Tia: Me take cold shower, me get sick. Wata make me sick. Me nah like wata.

…I guess that makes perfect sense J

Much love to the little people

Perhaps...

2011-09-22T14:40:00.000-07:00

There is no longer a line, there was never really a line.

Integration is a creation of the mind - US and THEM, Me on the outside.

It was all an illusion. How can I integrate into what is already a part of me?

like a child...

2011-08-20T20:22:00.000-07:00

http://webdesign.about.com/od/graphics/a/aa020801a.htm
Daily Mantra: Patience. Simplicity. Compassion.

Each passing day, I realize how very little I actually know. Humbled - It is pretty exciting to become aware of the fact that there is still SO much to be learned in this life. There comes a point when all the knowledge gained from textbooks, trainings, degrees and certifications become secondary. This time around, soul to soul my lessons shall be understood through my heart, soul and spirit. To move beyond analyzing and enter the realm of understanding.~ Wisdom ~

Live, Learn and Love

2011-08-15T12:55:00.000-07:00

Why is it so easy to complicate things? There are moments where I feel as if I get so accustomed to resistance that swimming against the current begins to feel natural. You forget what it feels like to truly let go and allow the harmonic flow of life to accompany and guide your footsteps.

Heartfelt thanks to my dear friend for the reminder:

You are living a dream right now....how simple is it to accept that for what it is? Don't search for a goal, just live, learn and love.-SMV

"...to say more with less words"

2011-08-06T16:11:00.000-07:00

Thirsty for a change, I jumped at the invitation to attend a poetry book launching Friday night. I prayed that the launching would be as exciting as it sounded. It was, and then some.

This weekend was one of the most enjoyable ones to date since moving to St Vincent. It started Friday night with attending the launching of the book “ Seen and Heard” an anthology of art and poetry by Vincentian women. Let me repeat that, AN ANTHOLOGY OF ART AND POETRY BY VINCENTIAN WOMEN. This is pretty groundbreaking for the country. It turns out this event was the manifestation of an idea birthed in 2009 after a group of creative minds gathered to share their talents with others. The launching was hosted by the Embassy of Bolivarian Republic of Venezuela in conjunction with the Ministry of National Mobilization, Social Development, Family Affairs, Gender, Youth Sports and Culture and the National Council of Women.

I was in awe most of the evening. To be in the presence of so many passionate, talented, progressives souls was a very uplifting experience. To see the result of various entities collaborating in efforts to create a living breathing work of art that will impact generations from here on out left my heart on high. I was moved, simply moved.

One of the highlights of the evening was being informed that Simmony Azul Urdaneta, a special guest from the Bolivarian Republic of Venezuela was conducting a FREE poetry workshop the following morning. SOLD.

During the book launching ceremony Sister Nel mentioned that she was a “closeted poet” who has “scribbled for years” but recently decided to share her work with others which resulted in one of her pieces being published in the book. I began to wonder what could come of my own scribbles if I put a little more effort into shaping them into pieces of work to share. I also felt it would be a wonderful opportunity to connect with other individuals locally that are a part of the creative community in SVG. The poetry club I started last year could surely use as much support as possible from local artist. So I jumped on the opportunity and attended the workshop!

I entered the workshop with an open mind, no idea what to expect but willing to take whatever I could get from the opportunity. Simmony has such a friendly, calm, soothing way with people. After admitting that she is not 100% comfortable speaking English in formal gatherings, I realized this would be just as much of a learning experience for her as it would be for the participants.

The workshop was from 9-3. Catered by the Embassy, I must say the Embassy of the Bolivarian Republic of Venezuela surely knows how to treat their guest ( food, food and more food)!! About 8 participants took part in the workshop, perfect size. The day included a series of exercises exploring various topics and writing techniques. Each person shared their work with everyone else at the end of the exercise. The final activity was to create a collective poem titled Poetry. One person starts with a line and folds the paper to cover what they wrote, the next person adds a new line and it continues until everyone has contributed. The final product appeared to be the work of one person, the power of the collective conscious in full effect.

After this weekend, I feel a sense of calmness with the worries of not fitting in. Just like moving to any new place, we all have to allow time for things to settle. Finding your niche, your little pocket to immerse yourself into might not jump out at you right away. This weekend reminded me that by following my heart, doing things I enjoy, connecting in an authentic way with those I encounter will continue to lead me right where I need to be. The right time, the right place, creating a space where I am comfortable just being. With patience and compassion for myself and others as I appreciate the simplicity of that which is, I am able to allow this experience to remain boundless , growing beyond any constraints that I or anyone else may attempt to place on it.

Here is the piece the group created Saturday: ( each line is a different person )

Poetry By the group

Poetry is an expression of you inner self

The expressed consciousness awakened from life’s experiences

The emotional expression of thoughts pulled from within the depths of your soul

A road to self realization

It is the inner expression of who I am, human being with feelings of love and passion

My words pave the way, your dreams follow. Open your mind, allow our hearts to dance, hear my voice- we are united as one.

The feminine energy birthed this today: Life, Body Home. Nature in its boundless grace. Love pours from the heart. For this, let us give thanks.

Because WE, all nurture, I

Less, more, speaking? No, writing words over and over

And IT is ALL.

ram-ble [ram-buh'l]

2011-08-03T20:30:00.000-07:00

... intransitive verb. 1. a: to move aimlessly from place to place b: to explore idly . 2: to talk or write in a desultory or long-winded wandering ...

yep , that about sums it up.

Last week I was having a moment of “outsiderness”. I felt that I had to be doing something wrong because after 6 months, I still have days where I feel like even more of an outsider than when I first came. I was in my head all week. Part of Integration is networking. I’ve never been the best at networking; it just feels so forced and calculated from my experience. But integration as a whole, the blending in with a new community is a bit different, that seems more genuine and natural to me- so I thought.

The tricky part of having a set time frame in which you are expected to be integrated into your community is finding the balance of what feels natural to you and what has been “proven” to be successful. Spelled out black & white in books, manuals and handouts- successful integration seems like a pretty attainable goal. It’s a little different once you live it. I find myself questioning habits, patterns, preferences, values, morals- pretty much all that I have known myself to be. (Losing yourself (identity) to find yourself ( core ) right?)

Do I compromise and scale back on being opinionated at work or do I use it as a moment to reveal I actually do have thoughts independent of the previous volunteer? Do I walk home because I like the exercise or do I accept a ride offered to me so that next time I WANT a ride you won’t pass me by? Do I give the Van driver my number after he studies my every curve so I can have another way to get home after 6pm or say no out of protest for being looked at like a 6pc chicken dinner with fries on the side?

Self talk-(Patience. Simplicity. Compassion.)

Also, the monotony of casual small talk is beginning to take a toll on me. Good Morning, Good Afternoon, Good Evening. Hi, how are you? You Good? Good Good. Fine, yes? Great. Ok, buh bye. Rain ah come again?, more rain? The monotony of being monotonous is enough to drive one mad. ( Yes, at times I am the crazy lady who walks around talking to herself - well I just mouth thoughts, no sounds come out usually)

RAMBLE: R-A-M-B-L-E, RAM-BUH'L

It's like Netball but so much better!

2011-07-28T18:29:00.000-07:00

Last week I was a camp counselor/assistant coach for a 3-day overnight basketball camp. The camp was put on by Adonal Foyle and his Kerosene Lamp Foundation. I must say I was quite impressed by the camp. The popular sports here in St. Vincent are Cricket , Futbol and Netball. Volleyball is somewhere in the middle. Basketball is along the lines of Tennis I believe. There are a few courts and a few organizations that attempt to offer competitive leagues to those interested, but generally they don't get too much attention.

This was the first year that the foundation held an extended overnight camp. They wanted to make it more intense and comprehensive for the campers. The kids not only benefited from physical activity and the many by products that come out of organized sports like discipline, respect and focus; they also participated in daily life skills sessions.

From 9-2 the kids attended sessions including : sports psychology, reading, nutrition, HIV/AIDS, and Sports not Drugs just to name a few. Then they loaded up into buses to head to the basketball courts. From 3-6 they were involved in various stations where they were taught an array of basic basketball skills.

I truly had a great experience and I am so happy I was able to be apart of the camp. ( And of course get a lil 2 on 2 in on the side) . Although long and draining, it was worth every minute of it. ( Especially relieving the sleep deprived camp counselors at 8am from the night shift! haha, brave souls )

The highlight for me was seeing a 13 year old female picked to be part of the All-Star team. The foundation is doing great things. Check'em out!

Photo by H.dollins
PUMP IT UUUP! GET HYPE LINES

Photo by H.dollins
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THE PC CREW

Adventures with Elvis

2011-07-09T13:45:00.000-07:00

Tiny Friend we met along the way

ELVIS, DETERMINED TO GET SOME COCONUT WATER!

After the 2nd unsuccessful attempt to visit the Montreal Gardens, we settled for a tour around the mountains with a new found friend- Elvis. He is an interesting little guy, friendly and very in tune with nature. Although we didn't make it into the gardens because they were closed, we still enjoyed an amazing trek through the lush hills nestled in the heart of the valley.

Surrounded by the magnificence of life, nature, and beauty- it really helped put things into perspective. Perceptions of problems, daily stressors, anger and hurt that have fueled parts of your existence all seem to become very minuscule when you accept the vast offerings from nature, just for that moment. The chaos of the mind quiets with ease once you openly receive what is generously being presented to you. Taking a step back an soaking in the bigger picture, how we are all so very interconnected allows a stream of life/love/pure energy to rejuvenate your spirit and soul. Thank you Elvis :) And special thanks to Candice for "WOmaning" up and surviving the hike in her chucks!!

Vincy Mas 2011 ( Soca Monarch & J'ouvert)

2011-07-09T10:53:00.000-07:00

So Vincy Mas has officially ended. Back to life as we knew it before all the madness. Special thanks to Candice and Wilmina for traveling down to see me (and check on me haha) and take in my first carnival experience in SVG. Love you ladies!!! Great time for sure but I am TIRED.

School is out for the summer so I am in the process of restructuring my schedule with a few exciting projects I will get to work on from July- September. I will post more about them once my words come back to me. For now, enjoy a few pics!

Soca Monarch with the girls :)

Soca Monarch Pre- game

Down n Durty, Soca Monarch Style

Candice arrives!

MY LITTLE WOMEN VISITORS!! :)

Candice's T-Shirt band Jump up!

From Tyrone , GA to Edmond, OK to SVG- this one is a lifer :)

'NUFF SAID

Still clean, must be about 1 AM

Miss Dominica - J'ouvert

J'ouvert

83 Love!! - J'ouvert

J'ouvert (3 AM ish)

J'ouvert- ( 4 AM ish)

Graduation Day ( Grade 6)/ Canouan w/ Girls Home ( Pic update for my non facebookers)

2011-06-25T15:57:00.000-07:00

The grade 6 boys

The gyals playing Go Fish

Graduation Day!

Grade 6 Graduation

My wonderful Principal and IPP

Canouan w/ the Girls Home

The gyals

Natalie Patrice, loves her!

Grade 6 Prom, fresssh to death!

They all looked so nice

Ladies night @ Girls Home

Didn't quite get to the Taboo game, next time Sisters

NatP doing it up Trini style ( Bakes n Shark)

..." There is a certain balance of letting nature provide what it may"...

2011-06-24T10:34:00.000-07:00

A dear friend of mine wrote this in response to a post earlier this month concerning Apathy. I felt moved to share this with other volunteers that are serving and may need a gentle reminder from time to time or even for applicants that may read this prior to starting your Peace Corps experience. :

"Though I do not believe that a plant will spring up where no seed has been, I have great faith in a seed. Convince me that you have a seed there and I am prepared to expect wonders."...since you are reading Thoreau, I think.

You have already identified the seed. The dilemma I see is that you are not familiar w/ the species of plants you are harvesting. Some, my dear, will sprout like bean vines at the first sign of spring waters. Others will require diligent tending to the soil, as well as experience fighting off the parasitic setbacks that are native to the region. The wise gardener recognizes that there is a certain measure of tending, and then there is a certain balance of letting nature provide what it may, and that a whole crop may not be harvested, despite the toils of labor and love.

Finally, there are seeds that will not reach their full potential in life until the cultivator is lonnng and gone. The roots of the aspens, the wisdom of the old oak, the reverence of the redwoods, all evidence of that reality. The bonsai takes careful pruning before it is considered a work of art. But the first cut decides the next cut, and the next cut, and the next. Be the first cut where you can. Be the center ring of a 9000 Year old Norway spruce where you can.

You are blocking your vision with anticipation of perfectly timed corn rows, when in fact you have the collaboration of seeds that haven't shown you their colors. The fruits might not ripen until 20 years down the road, when one recollection of one spirit that said one thing just right, pruned just the right limb, provides the life-giving profundity that you assumed to be lost in the limited ideas of what you envisioned as "getting thru" or not. It might not be the grammar limb, or the math limb, or anything taught in books limb..those might likely be of no use...compared to the one day that some piece of you became some memory for them. And that they needed nothing more".
- MeadowO.

~Some people are just good for the soul~

Wish List Update

2011-06-21T07:05:00.000-07:00

A little goes a VERY LONG way! Check out what a small donation can provide for students at my school...

Cane End Government School

ST. VINCENT AND THE GRENADINES

Ave Stephen-Weeks, Principal; 175 students

Jessica Greathouse, U.S. Peace Corps Volunteer

Background from Jessica Greathouse: "This school, in the beautiful, agricultural Mesopotamia Valley, would like to enhance literacy among the students by exposing them to a variety of literature. A significant number of students are below grade level.

Thank you very much for considering a donation to Hands Across the Sea, Inc. in support of Jessica’s school project. This link explains the donation process. http://handsacrossthesea.net/HandsWishLists.htm , and here’s how you can ensure that the funds sent will go to Cane End:

1.You can be sure that the funds will go to Cane End because there is one person who speaks with all the volunteers, has access to PayPal and who tracks all funds, and that is me. There are no other people involved. Every single donation that Hands Across the Sea receives goes across my desk and I assign them all. If I don’t know who the funds should go to I always ask the donor by sending them an email afterwards asking them.

2.Towards the end of the PayPal process, there is a comments/message field. You won’t see it in the first step. Please write that you would like the donation to go to Cane End or Jessica Greathouse’s school.

If a donor forgets to write a message, I send the PayPal donor an email asking them what school they’d like to donate to.

3.If you want to make double sure, you can write me an email telling me that you just made a Paypal donation to Jessica’s school. My email is Harriet@handsacrossthesea.net.

4.Finally, if you feel more comfortable writing a check, you can write the name of the school in the memo line. Checks should be made out to:

Hands Across the Sea, Inc.

411 Walnut Street

PMB 4218

Green Cove Springs, FL 32043

http://handsacrossthesea.net/HandsWishLists.htm

A is for Apathy : A-P-A-T-H-Y, Apathy

2011-05-31T15:44:00.000-07:00

Little Monsters! This blog is about my darling little monsters. I mean that in the nicest way possible of course. So let me give a quick blurb on the students I work with. They have been handpicked by their teachers and the Literacy Specialist to come to me weekly for extra help with reading and writing. The difficult part is most of these kids are really behind, significantly behind their classmates (who are also behind average grade level). My students are used to disappearing, not existing, being disruptive or the class clown. Unfortunately this is nothing new to me or many of you who have spent any amount of time in the school systems. In the states they often have IEPS and receive support services or maybe even have a behavioral aide or teachers assistant to assist them throughout the week. Well I (we) don’t have that; I am the walking talking IEP as well as the person who implements it. I am the person who ensures that they receive the special attention they need to assist them in learning. Enough of that, I think you got the picture.

Things have been going so well. 90% of the time the majority of my students’ come in excited and ready to see what the hour shall bring. Maybe it is because June is here and it is the last month of school? Maybe it is because the entire country is gearing up for Vincy Mas ( Carnival) and it trickles down to the kids or maybe I have just pushed too hard. I don’t know.

My day started off so well. Woke up at 5:30A to get my exercise on, back by 7AM to journal, mediate and get my day off to a beautiful start. My morning read inspired me to “invest the energy spent in planning a better future back into the time I have TODAY. If not now, when?” YES, YES I say…today is the day! Even after getting caught in a massive downpour on the way to school which left my pants soaked and soggy I was still motivated and ready to greet my students with a smiling face and lots of energy.

About half way into the lesson finding myself exhausted from constantly redirecting and delivering verbal warning after verbal warning I was ready to throw in the towel. I felt myself getting heated. Just go back to your class I wanted to snap. They don’t even care about their own education I thought, I am up here for mere entertainment. I only have them 1 hour a day / 3 times a week. 3 hours a week! That is it! Is it too much to ask for a little reciprocity? I think not. At that point, my stream of thought was lined with pretty little curse words stifling my ability to elegantly verbalize how I felt or what I wanted from them . So I settled for, “you guys are done for the day, I can’t do this anymore. Finish up and head back to your class. We will try again tomorrow when you are more focused." *sigh*

I gave up today. I was at a loss. Why the hell am I here? What am I really doing? Have I been fooling myself this whole time to think the students were actually benefiting from the lessons I prepared? I feel like I am trying too hard. Daily the other teachers ask “are you ok? You look tired or you look stressed. Take a break.” Take a break from what?? I am used to working from 9-5 sometimes 6, 7 or 8pm if need be. I am used to dealing with the chaos of demanding clients who can’t pay their rent and face eviction, people in crisis who feel the only option is death or someone who just got fired faces losing their insurance and happens to be HIV positive. On top of that we add notes /documentation, reports, meetings, sessions, and more meetings. This is when I needed a break. What is there to take a break from? Teaching a small group of students their ABC’s and reading “Pat and Tom can run” is a piece of cake right? Not so much… I have to take a moment to give a major shout out to ALL of the educators out there who I have observed over the years pouring their hearts into their students’ day end and day out. My Mother is the perfect example of the patience, selflessness, patience, dedication and genuine care that it takes to be an effective educator. You guys have a gift, I admire you for what you do.

So back to my horrible day, I gave up today. I feel like I am trying too hard. I feel like maybe I expect or want too much from them but I know they can do better. I have seen them do better. I believe in them. I feel like I have created a safe learning environment for them , free to make mistakes, free to speak and ask questions without the fear of being humiliated on the spot or lashed with a leather whip after allowing their short attention span to get the best of them ( every time). Maybe that is it, maybe the kind of “care” I am used to and how I show it is not what they want. Maybe they have been forgotten so long in the classroom, they don’t know how to respond all the attention I give them. Maybe they are used to people giving up on them instead of pushing them to do better. Or Maybe they are just waiting for me to fulfill their expectations and give up on them like everyone else. Or maybe I just suck at teaching haha

I won’t give up, I do care. *sigh* I will start over tomorrow…from?...wherever they are, I will meet them there. How long do continue to you believe in someone when you don’t even know if they believe in themselves?

A love poem, for you

2011-05-23T18:50:00.000-07:00

" I am the moon, you are the earth ( nature). I will follow you for 28 days while you travel around the sun. I will not leave your side. You are beautiful like the sky. You are violet in the morning, you are the rose in the night. You blossom all day long."

Jeremiah ( age 11) Co-leader of the Poetry club

July, make a wish...

2011-05-01T15:11:00.000-07:00

As promised, here is the update about the program for donating books to my school. I have a separate page on my blog " Wish List" with some video clips and a list of items that the students added to the wish list.

Hands Across the Sea is a organization that donates books specifically to schools in the Caribbean. They work closely with Peace Corps Volunteers in effort to build sustainable librarieshttp within the schools we are attached to.

If you would like to donate to them directly please check out the website and be sure to specify your donation is for PCV: Jessica Greathouse/ Cane End Government School.

http://www.handsacrossthesea.net/

If you have books or other materials you think may be beneficial to the school please feel free to ship them directly to me any time. ( My address is on the right side of the blog)

The wish list for Hands Across the Sea goes is due by July so it would help to have donations in before then.

Thank you in advance for taking the time to check out the Wish list!

Massive update (April)

2011-05-01T11:33:00.000-07:00

Ok, here is my attempt to recap what has been going on over the past few weeks without writing a novel. Here goes!

Last day of Pre- Service Training: We arrived in SVG on Saturday February 5th. After 8 weeks of training we successfully completed PST.

New Apartment:
On Saturday April 2nd I moved out of my host family’s home into an apartment below them. The apartment was being renovated since my arrival to their home so I really had NO idea what to expect. I would take a peek inside every few weeks but after seeing what I deemed as little progress I decided to quit stressing it. I am so glad I did! The apartment is perfect. The renovations turned out very well. A nice quaint space to make my own . It is nice to still be amongst "family" I will say. Although I am really enjoying my own space, coming home to a compound like environment where someone is always around makes it feel a little less foreign.

Starting work as a PCV:
The first 8 weeks of training I went to my assigned school twice a week to observe the classroom. I spent the majority of my time with Grade 6 but also got to see the various teaching styles and classroom management techniques of the whole school, Grades K- 6. On Monday the 11th of April I returned to school as a fulltime PCV. Now the fun begins!! The goal is for me to work with 3 or 4 students weekly from grades 4-6. I will be working with the students that are the farthest behind as far as reading level. Since I am working with the Literacy Coordinator, I guess that makes me a literacy specialist assistant? Interesting. The first week was a bit frustrating because I just wanted to jump in and get started. I have been sitting around the past 8 weeks just watching, I'm ready to DO. But, things didn't work out that way. So I continued to watch until the time was right for me to do. I have found that a delicate balance exist between trying to be proactive and action oriented and just being a pushy American who wants things done instantly. Obviously the later is not my intention so I find myself *woosaaah'ing* quite a bit. :)

Week two went a little better. I went in with a plan but also with the awareness that at even given moment my plan will be tossed right out the window like scraps for a stray dog. In training, we were told to have a plan, kids need structure, they need to know that you took time to prepare...right? Sometimes I reflect on my days in the training class room while sitting in the real class room and I just laugh. *chuckle*

Week three was much better than week 1-2. I keep lesson plans in my folder, but I'm always ready to make adjustments which may include tossing them out into the wind for another day. I have completed the assessments for 8 of the students I will be working with. There is something extremely special about each and every one of the students I have been given. I feel like they were lost in the shuffle somewhere. With only a few weeks of school left I tell them all I ask of them is to give me their BEST for the time we have together. I need your eyes, ears and attention just for an hour each day. I want to discover the place where they were lost and pick up from there, piece things back together. *sigh* And off to the clouds I go again. This work , the literacy aspect is very different from my previous experience with children. It will be challenging. Baby steps.

Secondary Project:
There is an agency that I have decided to dedicate 1 day a week to. They have a program for youth ages 16-24 that dropped out of school. Its kind of like a Job Corps type program. I was lucky to sit in on the orientation day of the new group that just started. This session will last for 6 months. Just being amongst the group made me feel this sense of passion that was much different from what I experienced at the primary school. I feel like it is a great balance for me. I LOVE the kiddos, but I also enjoy being able to talk to older kids that are at the crucial point in their lives , the cross roads where they can either continue to stray or take this opportunity to dedicate their time to improving the quality of their lives. Sometimes all it takes is someone to lend an ear, a heart or a hand...
Homesick?:
I had a moment. A moment of REALLY TRULY missing my friends and family. It was some kinda deep soulful missing, a yearning for something, someone familiar. A don't think acknowledging that I miss the amazing people I was surrounded by at home takes away from the beauty of the newness I'm experiencing now. I have met some magnificent spirits along my journey already. A few of these people have touched my life greatly in just a few months, for them I am grateful beyond words for letting me fall into them at times when I needed to lean. ..but still, sometimes you just get homesick. And that is ok :)

Holidays:
SVG ( and possibly most of the EC) LOVES some holidays!!! I feel like we have had a day off for a holiday almost every week since we have been here. We have had "spring break" in March, then off Thursday - Monday for Easter break, and now we are off for May day/ Labour day. Trust me, I am not complaining at all. I thinks it’s great to be in a place where they openly embrace taking time off from work. With all these Holidays, why would you ever need to call in "sick"?? :) Time is made of moments, not money.

Rainy Dry Season:
So this was technically supposed to be the dry season, but I heard that the weather is changing . It rains, and rains...and rains, then pours...and rains some more. I have an umbrella that is rusting and an emergency poncho ( plastic bag thin) to shield me from this weather. I toyed with the idea of bringing rainboots but thought that would be "too much". I haven't seen anyone here with rainboots but I honestly don't understand why they aren't more common. I see kids wearing timberlands in 80+ degree sunny weather, why not rainboots in torrential down poor???

A few weeks ago it rained for 4 days straight and school was canceled due to landslides. Sometimes school is canceled just because it rains for awhile. At first I thought this was comical but after trying to work with students at school while its pouring down rain outside, I GET IT. Its pointless most of the time. The classrooms are nestled in nature, the rain is pretty loud on the roof and the windows aren't sealed. Most of the kids ( and myself) have to walk to and from school in the rain as well. I guess its hard to focus on your lesson when you are concerned with skipping puddles to get home.

Silver lining: Wonderful weather to fall asleep on those nights :)

Hurricane season is from June1st- November 31st , lets just hope it doesn't actually get worse...

Dark Skin Peace Corps:
" I've never seen a dark skinned Peace Corps, where are you from?"- Pops

I think I am going to dedicate an entire post to discussing my experience as an African American PCV serving in the Eastern Caribbean. Initially, I don't think it even crossed my mind that me being a volunteer of color would be recognized as anything other than the obvious- Shes a black volunteer from the states. Nothing special right? Wrong. As the weeks go on, I am seeing how extremely different my experience here is than some of the other volunteers. I am not the only volunteer of color serving in the EC, nor am I the first. I guess its just so uncommon that when we do appear people comment on it. Overall, as far as my ability to integrate I will say hands down it is an advantage. I have not had enough time here to conceptualize the other aspects of how this will impact my service. So many layers...The EC is part of the Diaspora but their experience is very different from that of an African American living in the states. Each island has its own residual imprints from colonialism which still lingers heavily. Ok, already I've written more than I planned...tbc

I think I have touched on the major updates at this point! Hopefully I will do better in May.

Swearing in Ceremony

2011-04-04T12:05:00.000-07:00

Monday the 4th of April 2011 was the date my training class of St. Vincent ( EC 83) took our oath to become official Peace Corps Volunteers. Special day! I was selected by our class to deliver the response on behalf of our group.

Response Speech:

"As you can see, we are quite a diverse group of Americans. I would like to take a moment to share parts of us that may not be apparent to the eye. What are their motives? Did they choose SVG? Who are these people and where did they come from? And most importantly, why are you here?

Our interest, motivations, aspirations and dreams are far to big to capture in this short speech, but I will utilize one of our favorite PACA skills of summarising. From ensuring that Women’s rights organizations still have a voice, to exploring the possibility of enhancing Animal Welfare to increasing visibility of composting. Utilizing 20+ years of work experience on the GM assembly line to bring the highly valued skill of welding back to the technical college , to engaging youth in musical expression such as drumming. Many of us joined Peace Corps out of a desire to share parts of ourselves such as life experiences that assist in he development of life skills , technical skills, emotional wellness practices and aspects of global citizenship. The call for social responsibility has been answered. With this hope comes the desire to challenge ourselves to give the best to you, dedication to being life long learners and lastly the desire to build life long relationships and friendships with those people we meet while serving in SVG.

The common denominator that blends this group together is very similar to the 3 main goals of PC developed from JFKS declaration October 14, 1960. As we continue to participate in activities leading up to the 50th Anniversary Celebration, now more than ever we are called to remember the very reason we are here. The call to help develop while sharing parts of us but most importantly learning about the people of SVG is that thread that connects past, present and future PCVS with the wonderful people of this island. We share Mentality that we are not here to change the world, but rather we desire to make a positive and lasting impact on our communities while serving.

An artist by the name of Ani Difranco expressed : I know there is strength in the differences between us. I know there is comfort where we overlap. There are many differences that exist between nations, religions, genders. the list goes on. The one thing that I am comfortable saying about this specific group of volunteers is that we truly acknowledge and appreciate the differences that lay between us. Just from the 8 weeks we have been in SVG we have experienced life, Vincy Style. The people of SVG seem to love their culture from the food, to the local dialect, the Vans, pride and historical markings of each village, oh and how can we leave out Vincy Mas. These special aspects of Vincentian culture are just the start of what we wish to embrace as PCVS.

The 50th Anniversary is especially meaningful to those of us serving in the EC because of the long lasting history built between PC and the Caribbean Islands. The last few classes of trainees have set the bar particularly high. We are grateful for the time and energy current PCVS have invested in helping us adjust to our new lives in SVG. From tips on where the most affordable places to shop are to the names of Vans to helps us travel from Windward to Leeward before we even knew what Windward and Leeward actually meant. We also thank you for helping us jump in and get involved with projects that were already in progress .

The friendliness and kindness of the people of SVG are especially prevalent in a small group of individuals who we have grown to know more intimately over the past few weeks. I want to give a sincere and heartfelt thanks to all of the host families that have opened there homes to complete strangers. It takes an equal amount of compassion and desire to give back to support such a cause as being a host family. You have helped us become functional adults, crash course in survival in just a span of weeks. A special thanks to my own host mother Ms. Lucy Rogers for always making sure my hair was dry and belly full before laying down to sleep each night and always being pleasant when I brought home my PACA assignments at the dinner table.

Thank you to our counter parts, IPPS for taking us under your wings and allowing us to probe your vast amount of knowledge weekly in order to better assess our own skill set in relation to working with your school or agency. Patience, and commitment are two words that come to mind when I think of an IPP. The commitment to the process of working with a volunteer is unique and challenging. It can often start of slow but the overall investment in hopes of developing a lasting enhancement is well worth the bumps one may encounter along the way.Ms. Rhonda Burke and Ms. Stephens have truly shown me the spirit of dedicated teachers at our school and I hope to be able to contribute just a fraction of what they have in years of work at Cane end.

To our trainers that have been with us for the past 8 weeks of PST: Junior Bachus, Haydn Marshall , Theresa Daniels and Debbie Darymple. With out you, there would be no us today. Thank you for dedicating your time, resources and vast amount of knowledge about your specific areas of expertise as well as the cultural and history of SVG. We truly appreciate your efforts and hope to continue to develop on going relationships.

Evenly and Jeffery, you two are the eyes and ears of SVG. You are the bridge from St. Lucia, to Cool to us. You effect the quality of our day in many ways, from questions about transportation, to ensuring we have water, your genuine and sincerity shine through with each interaction we have with you. Thank you for being the back bone of our headquarter.

Mr. Cutbhert James, or better known as Mr. Cool. The legend of Mr. Cool reached us long before we met you. As we anxiously awaited our 1st face to face encounter with THE Mr. Cool upon arrival in SVG, we conjured up all kind of stories of what you would be like. I think its safe to say , the only way to truly understand you, is actually be present with you. Your hard work and dedication as a person is apparent in your professional life as well. Your values of hard work, integrity and punctuality ( we won’t start on that debate) have allowed us to enter SVG with a sense of what it means to be a successfully PCV. You practice what you preach and mean what you say. You have given us a balance of appreciation for the theoretical concepts of community development, capacity building and sustainability but more importantly you have emphasized the practical aspects of these words. Therefore, as your newest group of volunteers we are prepared to turn this words into actions. Thank you for challenging us to bring out best to not only you as our APCD, to our worksites, current PCVS, ourselves and the people of SVG who have welcomed us to their home.

Finally, to my extended family. EC 83

This is OUR PC experience, it is exactly what we make of it. When times get tough or cloudy, take a moment to reflect on the amount of time and energy invested pre-service. Or better yet, take a stroll down memory lane during your application process. Think about those long hours spent on gathering documentation, forms and completion of questionnaires, nominations, invitations, and finally your acceptance response to serve in the EC departing January 27th. When you are unsure if you made the right move, reach out one another. My hopes are that we continue to be that support system while here, utilize one another as resources for project expansion and development. I am pretty sure we have all realized at this point that the saying is actually true. This is not a job, but an experience. Cultivate and create the experience you desire along with the people that have been placed in your life. We each have separate paths carved out, from Union Island to Owia. Stop, take a moment, breathe it all in. We are 9 weeks into our PC experience, Congratulations. I am honored to cross over from PCT to PCV with such a talented, compassionate ambitious group of people. In my heart, I believe the possibilities for us are vast and infinite. The structure is being removed.

From here I extend this challenge to you: "not to turn everything into us. In truth, the deepest function of humility is that it helps us take experience in on its own terms, not violating its own nature. All in an effort to be nourished by life that is different from us. Through this effort, we find the corresponding seeds of such life in us. They are the common seeds of grace that can sustain us. "- Mark Nepo

I look forward to serving the next 2 years of my life with you, ( god willing as many Vincentians will say) or unless Cool has already persuaded you to extend to that 3rd year. I am overcome with joy to embrace this next step of our journey with each and everyone of you, Congratulations, EC 83"

Laptop(less)

2011-04-02T11:43:00.000-07:00

So it has been forever and a day since I have been able to update my blog. Most of you guys know by now that my computer took a vacation from life a few weeks ago. It's funny because a dear friend of mine was giving me a hard time about the amount of time I was spending on Facebook just before it went down. I agreed that it seemed as though my FB time had significantly increased since I left home, my profile wasn't even active before I left! *sigh* I attribute part of this increase to missing my friends and family and finding FB as an easy way to stay connected to my life back home and the other part of the increase came from not having TV or cable. Makes sense right?

Initially, when my computer went down I felt a little bit of panic. What will I do with my free time?? How will I keep in touch with my family and friends?? How will I know what’s going on in the world? How will I get ready every morning without music??!!? But gradually, day by day these major issues became less and less of a problem but more so an opportunity to create alternative methods of existing. I'm not going to go all Thoreau- Walden on you (I am enjoying the book though lol), but I must say coming home to an empty apartment with nothing but myself, books, letters, paper, pens to occupy my time has been just the boost I needed to take let go of the safety net and fully allow myself to plunge into this experience.

My nightly routine consist of making dinner ( YES, you read correctly- I have been cooking), preparing my lessons for school, reading and writing. It has been quite relaxing and just the shift that I needed to find that balance I yearned for.

The past few weeks have reminded me of the beauty that exist within simplicity. I know I have said this many times before, but it's so easy to stray away from this truth and get caught up and a million other things that tug at your attention, appeal to various desires throughout a typical day. When we release the death grip we have on the steering wheel, life is able to unfold with ease. By simply living a life of love and being present in each moment that I am blessed to experience the details work themselves out.

Although staying connected my family and friends may not be as convenient as before, there is still a way to make it happen. And I have found a new type of music to start my day to each morning :)

Thank you dear friend for using your super hero magic goddess powers to crash my computer from over 1,000 miles away, you rock.

Sidenote: I am enjoying the time away from the net, however I am in no way saying I am denouncing modern technology! I AM indeed in the process of trying to get it back up and running :)

Life outside of a dayplanner - week 7 of PST

2011-03-15T21:12:00.000-07:00

Today, something simple yet beautiful occurred. The past few weeks in the schools have been infiltrated by ongoing sports days. I still don't understand it 100% but its kind of like field day every day for 2 weeks then all the top teams and competitors from areas around the island get together for one big sports day to compete. Again, I have yet to figure it out fully so I will update you as I learn more.

So you may be wondering why an ex-athlete ( yes I have come to terms that I am no longer in any type of shape to call myself an athlete AND I think my balance is getting even worse) ok, back to what I was saying you may wonder why I would have a problem with the schools here dedicating so much of their time to sports. Of course I think benefits exist , being part of a team teaches various life skills and obviously leading an active lifestyle as a child most likely increases your chance of continuing to lead a healthy life as an adult.This is all fine and dandy but I have 2 weeks left in training. This means I have to develop a SLP( Service Learning Project) to be assessed by one of my trainers. The SLP is a major part of PST for Youth Developers ( Me) , lets just say its my final exam.

When you have kids that are focused on sports sports sports and aching to get through the day to exit the class room its difficult to introduce a new idea to them that doesn't include fun and games. Oh and I forgot to mention they are going on a 2 week break next week! Needless to say, not only has it been difficult to introduce my project idea to the students but the teachers also seem a bit scattered during this time.

After 2-3 attempts to get the ball rolling and scheduling constraints from my assessor I finally decided to just LET GO. Today I entered the school knowing the entire day would be dedicated to sports competitions. I had 2 tentative dates that my assessor has available to come out to my site to see my project. And the bottom line was I had no idea how it was all going to come together. No details pinned down, no idea which kids would participate, no time, no agenda.... no real plan other than my nice little outline of how it is supposed to look.I simply walked in the school an allowed the day to unfold as is. Knowing that whatever was going to happen next week would occur with or without any additional stress from my end. ..but then...it happened!

Agnes, one of my grade 6 students came to life. I don't know where it came from but she was my little starlight today. It warmed my heart and reminded me of the beauty that will occur when we step back and allow life to happen. Agnes not only began to question me about this Poetry club I mentioned but she took initiative on how WE were going to make it happen by break next week. One thing led to another and by the end of the day I had a list of 15 dedicated participants, a leader, co lead and 15 hand written letters to be given as reminders for next weeks meeting. GO Agnes!

The ability to just be without constantly pushing for more or finding a way to organize what appears to be chaos was granted to me today. I hope to get more practice with this concept .

Highlight of the week: Count down to move out day ( less than 1 month)! I will miss my nightly home cooked meals but I am ready to have my own space again.

Running on E (mpty) - Week 6 of PST

2011-03-08T20:09:00.000-08:00

Ooook so here it is, my first post lined with a hint of grey as opposed to sparkling rays of yellow. I believe the best way to describe this feeling is >>>PLATEAU<<< : Any of the following definitions can be used to describe my state of being this past week.

–noun

2. a period or state of little or no growth or decline: to reach a plateau in one's career.

3. Psychology . a period of little or no apparent progress in an individuals learning, marked by an inability to increase speed, reduce number of errors, etc., and indicated by a horizontal stretch in a learning curve or graph.

4. a flat stand, as for a centerpiece, sometimes extending the full length of a table. ( YES, there are moments in the day where I FEEL as if I am indeed a centerpiece!)

–verb (used without object)

5. to reach a state or level of little or no growth or decline, especially to stop increasing or progressing; remain at a stable level of achievement; level off: After a period of uninterrupted growth, sales began to plateau.

Well I think you get the point. On top of feeling as if my wheels are spinning round and round going absolutely nowhere other than the pre -constructed track already laid out for me. My thoughts run rampant day dreaming has it perks , truly, however there comes a point where I would like to enjoy the present moment more than the thoughts dancing around in my head.

On a brighter note, I have encountered a surge within that has lead me to writing more than ever before. Journaling, poems, vents, motivational speeches (to myself I guess), blurbs...its pretty neat.

Highlight of my week: being nominated by my fellow trainees to give a speech at our Swearing in Ceremony. Its a pretty special event because it marks the transition from successfully completing training to being sworn in as an official Peace Corps Volunteer. I am excited and honored. We are kind of like a dysfunctional family, I appreciate each of them in a special way. With that said I also feel we are all getting to the point of being annoyed over little things. Its not so much one another, more so the situation. Imagine being randomly selected to begin 2 years of your life with 12 strangers. ( Some of my military friends probably identify) You are forced to become each others support system in one way or another. I enjoy the camaraderie and familiarity that we get from all the time we have been spending together...lunch, after training liming, weekend excursions.. its been great.

Training, however, is starting to feel repetitive, boring, ceaseless, constant, continual, dull, insistent, monotonous, repeated, uninteresting, verbose..you get the point. I understand the purpose of training. I get the need to expose us to module after module. Some of you may know I actually enjoy meetings and trainings, I love learning new things but I find myself mentally grasping into the air as I watch my day dreams float away into the pretty shades of blue in the sky. Skipping stones across the flood of information just to create a ripple in the flow.

I think it's safe to say I have successfully exited the honeymoon stage :)

The little people...

2011-02-27T15:25:00.000-08:00

Today marks 1 month to date since I left home. It’s funny because it seems like I have talked to some of my family and friends more in the past month than I have in years. I think my parent's are experiencing reverse empty nest syndrome, like umm didn't we already get rid of you?? (Thanks for being so accessible the past few weeks Mom and Dad. Even when I call at 5am your time oopsie) I think I am ready to re-establish my independence now :) The frequency has definitely increased, I guess its part the adjustment process and re-building my support system.

All and All, things are wonderful. I am adjusting in my own unique way in my own time. I love it here and I am beyond happy that I made the decision to join the Peace Corps. 1 more month of living with my host family, then I will be moving into my own place. I am very excited about the move. I wish my bestie was here to help decorate but I will figure something out .

Enough about me. This update is mainly to express my deep admiration for the little people in my life. Literally, the little people. Tomorrow will be my 3rd week of working at the primary school I have been assigned to work at the next 2 years. I am REALLY taking to the kids at the school. They are so bright, enthusiastic, creative , caring, energetic...the list goes on. They have welcomed me with open arms. The teachers are wonderful as well. Most of them have been at the school for 10+ years. Their experience and wisdom shine through in many ways as they work with the students.

Aside from the joy experienced from the personal interaction with the students and teachers I 've also silently been in a state of awe. I have so much admiration for the resourcefulness of the school. They create and foster an environment of abundance. How? Lets see, Basic set of books, Chalkboard and desk. The end :) The students generally show appreciation for what they have and appear to be happy and content with what is. Alas, the key to happiness has been disclosed to these little people at the ripe age of 10! How fortunate are they to have made this discovery so early in life.

On the flip side ( yes, if you know me then you know exactly where this post is going) *smile* Acknowledging the beauty that exist within simplicity and resourcefulness, oh and my favorite - vivid use of the untamed imagination, I also have to support the benefits of exposure and mental stimulation. I think it is fair to say there are many ways in which learning manipulatives and culturally appropriate books (published within the last 10 years) that interest children while challenging their minds can enhance the process of learning in a multitude of ways.

I have created a separate page titled wish list. Check it out and enjoy the clips!

I've got peace like a river...

2011-02-15T14:52:00.000-08:00

Today was the 1st day to report to my primary assignment. I will be assisting with literacy at a local primary school, working with ages 5-12. I was escorted on my 15 minute walk by a few of the kids and a neighbor who was friends with the previous Peace Corps volunteer. Partly excited just to be out of training and into the field today and partially excited to enjoy a casual morning walk inhaling fresh air instead of the roller coaster van ride into town.

As I walked into the school yard a wave of indescribable emotions set in. I was truly caught off guard. It seems as if each day is a bit more affirmative that my journey is leading me further into the depths of discovering my passion.

The morning assembly was spent pretty much in praise. Smiling bright eyed kids, some fidgeting, some antagonizing others , some staring into the clouds- but when praise began it appeared that everything else ceased to exist.

Surrounded by the harmonic tunes of: " I've got peace like a river, joy like a fountain in my soul"..." Troubles will float away, never cloud your day" and my personal favorite, " Love makes the world go round" left me teary eyed.

Through the break in my heart poured in rays of hope, love, potential, innocence. The gaps are filled with their tiny souring spirits each uniquely sharing their individual heart song while recognizing the beauty and strength of harmony...I think I'm in love!

P.S. It appears I am the first volunteer "of color" that this school has had. One of the teachers made a joke about not knowing Peace Corps was accepting locals to volunteer now lol I am happy to add some diversity into the bunch.

Highlights...

2011-02-14T17:58:00.001-08:00

Sooo fast forward two weeks and here we are! I have completed 1 week of orientation/PST in St. Lucia and 1 week PST in my new home, St. Vincent. So much has happened in just 2 weeks here goes:

The night before departure : Total melt down! lol In hindsight I can laugh now, hopefully bestie can laugh as well. Some of the girls came over to hang out and "help" with the final packing. Great idea right?? Wrong! Somehow I managed to overlook luggage dimensions listed on the PC Baggage advisory. Long story short thank goodness for Walmart and great friends. By the time I got my 2 bags packed and my personal items and cleaned the room it was about 2:30am, eek! Trek it over to Michelle's to complete the final touches, only problem is she had my favorite cheese AND 2 episodes of RHOA that I had missed...hmmm finish packing or catch up on episodes of RHOA while munching on my favorite cheese?? Go figure. A break turned into a nap. We were suppose to head to the airport @ 5:30 am. Around 5:15 I looked around an realized I still had a ton of stuff to "sort through" that were intended to fit in my carry on bags. ~ME: (knock knock on Chels door) Chel?? I NEED HELP Chel: " OH ___beep__ I was suppose to get up at 5am, are you done?? ME: No, and Im hyperventilating , I can't miss my flight, I have to take a shower, I can't breathe. Chel: Go take a shower, I will finish the rest!~ We made it out on time and I made it on my flight . Both Teary eyed and a mess, but we made it.

St. Lucia: St. Lucia was wonderful!! I met so many amazing people in my training class. We stayed at the Pastoral Center, it was kind of like living in a dorm all over again. The view was gorgeous and we were spoiled by being walking distance from the beach. Late nights full of card games, taboo, music exchanges, book trades and great conversation- what more can you ask for? I also got to meet some of the volunteers who are currently serving in St. Lucia, cool group of ladies! Wonderful way to start of PST

St. Vincent: Felt like home as soon as we touched down! lol Our group had the longest wait at the airport (arrived @ 7am and flew out at 12pm) and probably the longest wait upon arriving to SVG haha. I think it's a reflection of the personalities in the group to be able to travel with 11 strangers with no major hang ups. I think we were all excited to meet our SVG PC staff , current PCVs and most of all our homestay families! Long day but I think it brought us all a little closer.

*Homestay: This is the start of week 2 at my homestay and I already feel like this is my refuge. My host family is very considerate and sweet. They are patient with me and allow me to ask as many questions as needed about anything. I get wonderful vegetarian meals prepared everyday! I will share some of the dishes in future post. There are 5-6 other people that live on the property, everyone contributes in some way to make the household run smoothly. My host mother is a florist and my host sister is a chef in training. Two of my goals while here are to learn how to make some authentic Vincy dishes and to turn my black thumb into green.

There is a pretty heavy local dialect spoken here in St. Vincent. I kind of felt like I was missing out on language exposure since St. Lucia and Dominica were the only two assignments that take language classes during PST. Creole is still spoken in those locations. Little did I know that Vincy's have their very own local language. I can go an entire van ride and have NO idea what was said, I can sit at dinner and be completely lost until my family laughs or says JESSICA?? I'm VERY excited to improve my ability to understand and speak the local dialect as time goes on.

*Vans- The vans...oh the infamous Vincentian VANS how do I even begin to describe the experience. First off , its completely different from St. Lucia so that was a fake out. The van system here is divided into towns or villages. Each town has its own group of vans that are privately owned by individuals. Its almost like a mix between a taxi and a bus. The names range from " Krunkest, Blade, Gifted, Precious, Da boi" and the list goes on. There are only 5 vans that go to my village which means a lot of waiting and cramming in to fit as many people as possible on the van. Usually its about 25 people on a 15 passenger type van. You hale them like a cab but the route is predetermined like a bus. Good stuff I tell you lol There have been no two days alike thus far...will post pics soon.

*Rain -Apparently this is suppose to be the start of the dry season but it has been raining everyday since we arrived. Usually its just small passing showers about 5 times a day lasting maybe 10 minutes tops but sometimes they last longer. Most people just stop what they are doing if on the street and seek shelter until it passes. I toyed with the idea of packing rainboots for the "wet season" but I think its safe to say in 80 degree down pour I would look a tad odd, I haven't seen any yet hmmmm

*Valley My final note is about my village. The Mesopotamia/Marriaqua Valley- Excerpt:
"This vast expanse of land is so luxuriant and evergreen with virtually every tropical crop growing in the rich fertile soils of St. Vincent. The Valley, viewed from a specific location on the island, offers a spectacular panoramic view of what is often referred as the “islands breadbasket” containing plots of bananas, nutmeg, cocoa, breadfruit, coconut and a multitude of root crops. The grand Bonhomme Mountain (318 ft, 970 metres) dominates the ridges that rises around the valley and a number of streams and rivers come together to flow over the rocks of the Yambou Gorge; in the small town of Mesopotamia (“Mespo”), before entering the sea on the east coast of the island.

Sometimes I wake up and this all still feels surreal. I smile as I hear the roosters or the dogs sounding the wake up calls in the morning. It has been nice to allow myself to wake up to the sounds of nature or the sun gently tugging at my eyelids, is this real? Am I really here? I feel like a child on Christmas morning waiting to unwrap the various surprises, treasures and gifts that await me as I embrace each day with open arms.

Even in the midst of soggy pants, wet feet, overstuffed bags, cold showers, hour long van waits, overcrowded vans and not understanding 70% of what I hear any given day I continue to be overwhelmed with joy and appreciation for the beauty encountered within each moment. The gift of "first sight", new sight...the ability to "fall sweetly into the miracle of ones presence upon the first time truly seeing another.", this makes it all worth it.

4 days til departure!

2011-01-23T17:16:00.000-08:00

I am 4 days out from my departure date. I am extremely excited, yet still experiencing a wave of mixed emotions. . Tomorrow I arrive back in Atlanta at 7pm and have the pleasure of looking forward to a final going away gathering hosted by my fabulous bestie Michelle I am so blessed to have so many amazing people in my life. My family is my rock , my friends are rays of light, I am grateful . I am very sad to have to say goodbye to so many beautiful people, but I am definitely just as excited to welcome my new extended family and friends into my life.
I leave from Miami and arrive in St. Lucia for a week of training next Friday. Your thoughts and prayers are always welcome :)

Scatter Brained

2011-01-21T11:02:00.000-08:00

1/21/11

So I only have 24 minutes to type this entry. Of course the mood strikes me type my first entry while I’m flying no power plug. I just left my parents behind in Oklahoma L With 6 days to go before I take off for staging. I have been very scattered and all over the place the last few weeks. Mainly due to my inability to figure out an efficient way to fit my life into 2 bags totaling 80 lbs. The main reason this is such a task is because I am trying to be prepared for EVERY situation possible. I left a load of stuff at my parent’s house with my baby Jeep , going to miss that car. But some how I managed to return home with 2 suitcases full of “miscellaneous items”. Now don’t get me wrong, these items don’t seem so miscellaneous when you are preparing to live in another country for two years! Maybe going to Sams club with my Mother was not the best idea. We stocked up on enough cartons of “just in case” items to stock a small village : Imodium, Pepto, Tylenol, Advil ( which my mother insisted on getting both because one is more for headaches and the other is for muscles pains lol), Ambesol, hand sanitizer , wet wipes, lotion, dove, deodorant, toothpaste…and the list goes on.
When I started to repack my bags I realized that I had truly overdone myself and was in for a miserable treat when I returned to Atlanta. There is no way all this stuff is going to fit once I add my shoes, clothes and books. *sigh*. Hopefully with an emergency call to some close friends I will be able to down size, well I guess I don’t have a choice. I will downsize and make it fit. I REFUSE to be the city gal who strolls into staging with the huge overflowing bags looking like a damsel in distress, no way, not me.
So enough rambling, how am I feeling I bet you are wondering? I can’t even really verbalize it at this point. There are moments when I get hit with burst of excitement ready to meet my training class. I am really looking forward to getting to know all the other volunteers that are shipping out with me on the 27th. I am sure there will be quite a diverse group of people from different walks of life. On the other hand there are moments in the day where I feel like a huge ball of anxiety is stuck in my throat blocking any attempts I make to indulge in any sort of self soothing techniques. Relax and count to 10 I tell myself, visualize a peaceful place, inhale …6 7 8, exhale 3 2 1….but nothing, it won’t budge, it doesn’t move. Just a big ball of blockage chilling in my throat. Another part of me is scared. Scared of the unknown, scared of being unprepared, scared of not adjusting fast enough, scared of a bad case of diarrhea and not having an adequate amount of toilet paper to handle my business. Oh and bats? Yes let’s not even get into the bats and snakes dreams.

With all that said I have decided to chill out on reading the PC blogs. It served its purpose but at this point I just want to re-center myself and enter into this experience with a clear and present mind. I EXPECT the UNEXPECTED, and I think that’s about all I need to get me through any difficulties which may arise. Overall I am apt to find the silver lining in any situation, the best part about this is the entire experience, this wonderful opportunity that I was chosen to embark on IS THE SILVER LINING. I am so grateful for all that I have been able to accomplish in the last 28 years of my life. I am wide open to exploring the vast possibilities that lie ahead…infinite, uncharted territories of my life. *cheers*

Welcome...

2011-01-18T17:07:00.000-08:00

So I am just getting this blog underway. I have been talking about starting a blog to capture my Peace Corps service but had not been motivated to actually do so until recently. Of course my mind has been running wild with all types of thoughts and ideas which I personally felt were pretty blog worthy, however everything else like packing, handling financial matters and traveling seemed to take precedent over getting this up and running.
I hope you all enjoy it as I continue to post. I will primarily dedicate this space to discussing my experience as a Peace Corp Volunteer in the Eastern Caribbean over the next two years. As many of you know I will be living in St. Vincent during my experience.
I hope this will be an exciting way to keep you all informed of my life as time goes on. Hopefully I will be able to post pictures on a fairly regular basis.