Today, something simple yet beautiful occurred. The past few weeks in the schools have been infiltrated by ongoing sports days. I still don't understand it 100% but its kind of like field day every day for 2 weeks then all the top teams and competitors from areas around the island get together for one big sports day to compete. Again, I have yet to figure it out fully so I will update you as I learn more.
So you may be wondering why an ex-athlete ( yes I have come to terms that I am no longer in any type of shape to call myself an athlete AND I think my balance is getting even worse) ok, back to what I was saying you may wonder why I would have a problem with the schools here dedicating so much of their time to sports. Of course I think benefits exist , being part of a team teaches various life skills and obviously leading an active lifestyle as a child most likely increases your chance of continuing to lead a healthy life as an adult.This is all fine and dandy but I have 2 weeks left in training. This means I have to develop a SLP( Service Learning Project) to be assessed by one of my trainers. The SLP is a major part of PST for Youth Developers ( Me) , lets just say its my final exam.
When you have kids that are focused on sports sports sports and aching to get through the day to exit the class room its difficult to introduce a new idea to them that doesn't include fun and games. Oh and I forgot to mention they are going on a 2 week break next week! Needless to say, not only has it been difficult to introduce my project idea to the students but the teachers also seem a bit scattered during this time.
After 2-3 attempts to get the ball rolling and scheduling constraints from my assessor I finally decided to just LET GO. Today I entered the school knowing the entire day would be dedicated to sports competitions. I had 2 tentative dates that my assessor has available to come out to my site to see my project. And the bottom line was I had no idea how it was all going to come together. No details pinned down, no idea which kids would participate, no time, no agenda.... no real plan other than my nice little outline of how it is supposed to look.I simply walked in the school an allowed the day to unfold as is. Knowing that whatever was going to happen next week would occur with or without any additional stress from my end. ..but then...it happened!
Agnes, one of my grade 6 students came to life. I don't know where it came from but she was my little starlight today. It warmed my heart and reminded me of the beauty that will occur when we step back and allow life to happen. Agnes not only began to question me about this Poetry club I mentioned but she took initiative on how WE were going to make it happen by break next week. One thing led to another and by the end of the day I had a list of 15 dedicated participants, a leader, co lead and 15 hand written letters to be given as reminders for next weeks meeting. GO Agnes!
The ability to just be without constantly pushing for more or finding a way to organize what appears to be chaos was granted to me today. I hope to get more practice with this concept .
Highlight of the week: Count down to move out day ( less than 1 month)! I will miss my nightly home cooked meals but I am ready to have my own space again.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Running on E (mpty) - Week 6 of PST
–noun
2. a period or state of little or no growth or decline: to reach a plateau in one's career.
3. Psychology . a period of little or no apparent progress in an individuals learning, marked by an inability to increase speed, reduce number of errors, etc., and indicated by a horizontal stretch in a learning curve or graph.
4. a flat stand, as for a centerpiece, sometimes extending the full length of a table. ( YES, there are moments in the day where I FEEL as if I am indeed a centerpiece!)
–verb (used without object)
5. to reach a state or level of little or no growth or decline, especially to stop increasing or progressing; remain at a stable level of achievement; level off: After a period of uninterrupted growth, sales began to plateau.
Well I think you get the point. On top of feeling as if my wheels are spinning round and round going absolutely nowhere other than the pre -constructed track already laid out for me. My thoughts run rampant day dreaming has it perks , truly, however there comes a point where I would like to enjoy the present moment more than the thoughts dancing around in my head.
On a brighter note, I have encountered a surge within that has lead me to writing more than ever before. Journaling, poems, vents, motivational speeches (to myself I guess), blurbs...its pretty neat.
Highlight of my week: being nominated by my fellow trainees to give a speech at our Swearing in Ceremony. Its a pretty special event because it marks the transition from successfully completing training to being sworn in as an official Peace Corps Volunteer. I am excited and honored. We are kind of like a dysfunctional family, I appreciate each of them in a special way. With that said I also feel we are all getting to the point of being annoyed over little things. Its not so much one another, more so the situation. Imagine being randomly selected to begin 2 years of your life with 12 strangers. ( Some of my military friends probably identify) You are forced to become each others support system in one way or another. I enjoy the camaraderie and familiarity that we get from all the time we have been spending together...lunch, after training liming, weekend excursions.. its been great.
Training, however, is starting to feel repetitive, boring, ceaseless, constant, continual, dull, insistent, monotonous, repeated, uninteresting, verbose..you get the point. I understand the purpose of training. I get the need to expose us to module after module. Some of you may know I actually enjoy meetings and trainings, I love learning new things but I find myself mentally grasping into the air as I watch my day dreams float away into the pretty shades of blue in the sky. Skipping stones across the flood of information just to create a ripple in the flow.
I think it's safe to say I have successfully exited the honeymoon stage :)
Sunday, February 27, 2011
The little people...
Today marks 1 month to date since I left home. It’s funny because it seems like I have talked to some of my family and friends more in the past month than I have in years. I think my parent's are experiencing reverse empty nest syndrome, like umm didn't we already get rid of you?? (Thanks for being so accessible the past few weeks Mom and Dad. Even when I call at 5am your time oopsie) I think I am ready to re-establish my independence now :) The frequency has definitely increased, I guess its part the adjustment process and re-building my support system.
All and All, things are wonderful. I am adjusting in my own unique way in my own time. I love it here and I am beyond happy that I made the decision to join the Peace Corps. 1 more month of living with my host family, then I will be moving into my own place. I am very excited about the move. I wish my bestie was here to help decorate but I will figure something out .
Enough about me. This update is mainly to express my deep admiration for the little people in my life. Literally, the little people. Tomorrow will be my 3rd week of working at the primary school I have been assigned to work at the next 2 years. I am REALLY taking to the kids at the school. They are so bright, enthusiastic, creative , caring, energetic...the list goes on. They have welcomed me with open arms. The teachers are wonderful as well. Most of them have been at the school for 10+ years. Their experience and wisdom shine through in many ways as they work with the students.
Aside from the joy experienced from the personal interaction with the students and teachers I 've also silently been in a state of awe. I have so much admiration for the resourcefulness of the school. They create and foster an environment of abundance. How? Lets see, Basic set of books, Chalkboard and desk. The end :) The students generally show appreciation for what they have and appear to be happy and content with what is. Alas, the key to happiness has been disclosed to these little people at the ripe age of 10! How fortunate are they to have made this discovery so early in life.
On the flip side ( yes, if you know me then you know exactly where this post is going) *smile* Acknowledging the beauty that exist within simplicity and resourcefulness, oh and my favorite - vivid use of the untamed imagination, I also have to support the benefits of exposure and mental stimulation. I think it is fair to say there are many ways in which learning manipulatives and culturally appropriate books (published within the last 10 years) that interest children while challenging their minds can enhance the process of learning in a multitude of ways.
I have created a separate page titled wish list. Check it out and enjoy the clips!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
I've got peace like a river...
Today was the 1st day to report to my primary assignment. I will be assisting with literacy at a local primary school, working with ages 5-12. I was escorted on my 15 minute walk by a few of the kids and a neighbor who was friends with the previous Peace Corps volunteer. Partly excited just to be out of training and into the field today and partially excited to enjoy a casual morning walk inhaling fresh air instead of the roller coaster van ride into town.
As I walked into the school yard a wave of indescribable emotions set in. I was truly caught off guard. It seems as if each day is a bit more affirmative that my journey is leading me further into the depths of discovering my passion.
The morning assembly was spent pretty much in praise. Smiling bright eyed kids, some fidgeting, some antagonizing others , some staring into the clouds- but when praise began it appeared that everything else ceased to exist.
Surrounded by the harmonic tunes of: " I've got peace like a river, joy like a fountain in my soul"..." Troubles will float away, never cloud your day" and my personal favorite, " Love makes the world go round" left me teary eyed.
Through the break in my heart poured in rays of hope, love, potential, innocence. The gaps are filled with their tiny souring spirits each uniquely sharing their individual heart song while recognizing the beauty and strength of harmony...I think I'm in love!
P.S. It appears I am the first volunteer "of color" that this school has had. One of the teachers made a joke about not knowing Peace Corps was accepting locals to volunteer now lol I am happy to add some diversity into the bunch.
As I walked into the school yard a wave of indescribable emotions set in. I was truly caught off guard. It seems as if each day is a bit more affirmative that my journey is leading me further into the depths of discovering my passion.
The morning assembly was spent pretty much in praise. Smiling bright eyed kids, some fidgeting, some antagonizing others , some staring into the clouds- but when praise began it appeared that everything else ceased to exist.
Surrounded by the harmonic tunes of: " I've got peace like a river, joy like a fountain in my soul"..." Troubles will float away, never cloud your day" and my personal favorite, " Love makes the world go round" left me teary eyed.
Through the break in my heart poured in rays of hope, love, potential, innocence. The gaps are filled with their tiny souring spirits each uniquely sharing their individual heart song while recognizing the beauty and strength of harmony...I think I'm in love!
P.S. It appears I am the first volunteer "of color" that this school has had. One of the teachers made a joke about not knowing Peace Corps was accepting locals to volunteer now lol I am happy to add some diversity into the bunch.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Highlights...
Sooo fast forward two weeks and here we are! I have completed 1 week of orientation/PST in St. Lucia and 1 week PST in my new home, St. Vincent. So much has happened in just 2 weeks here goes:
The night before departure : Total melt down! lol In hindsight I can laugh now, hopefully bestie can laugh as well. Some of the girls came over to hang out and "help" with the final packing. Great idea right?? Wrong! Somehow I managed to overlook luggage dimensions listed on the PC Baggage advisory. Long story short thank goodness for Walmart and great friends. By the time I got my 2 bags packed and my personal items and cleaned the room it was about 2:30am, eek! Trek it over to Michelle's to complete the final touches, only problem is she had my favorite cheese AND 2 episodes of RHOA that I had missed...hmmm finish packing or catch up on episodes of RHOA while munching on my favorite cheese?? Go figure. A break turned into a nap. We were suppose to head to the airport @ 5:30 am. Around 5:15 I looked around an realized I still had a ton of stuff to "sort through" that were intended to fit in my carry on bags. ~ME: (knock knock on Chels door) Chel?? I NEED HELP Chel: " OH ___beep__ I was suppose to get up at 5am, are you done?? ME: No, and Im hyperventilating , I can't miss my flight, I have to take a shower, I can't breathe. Chel: Go take a shower, I will finish the rest!~ We made it out on time and I made it on my flight . Both Teary eyed and a mess, but we made it.
St. Lucia: St. Lucia was wonderful!! I met so many amazing people in my training class. We stayed at the Pastoral Center, it was kind of like living in a dorm all over again. The view was gorgeous and we were spoiled by being walking distance from the beach. Late nights full of card games, taboo, music exchanges, book trades and great conversation- what more can you ask for? I also got to meet some of the volunteers who are currently serving in St. Lucia, cool group of ladies! Wonderful way to start of PST
St. Vincent: Felt like home as soon as we touched down! lol Our group had the longest wait at the airport (arrived @ 7am and flew out at 12pm) and probably the longest wait upon arriving to SVG haha. I think it's a reflection of the personalities in the group to be able to travel with 11 strangers with no major hang ups. I think we were all excited to meet our SVG PC staff , current PCVs and most of all our homestay families! Long day but I think it brought us all a little closer.
*Homestay: This is the start of week 2 at my homestay and I already feel like this is my refuge. My host family is very considerate and sweet. They are patient with me and allow me to ask as many questions as needed about anything. I get wonderful vegetarian meals prepared everyday! I will share some of the dishes in future post. There are 5-6 other people that live on the property, everyone contributes in some way to make the household run smoothly. My host mother is a florist and my host sister is a chef in training. Two of my goals while here are to learn how to make some authentic Vincy dishes and to turn my black thumb into green.
There is a pretty heavy local dialect spoken here in St. Vincent. I kind of felt like I was missing out on language exposure since St. Lucia and Dominica were the only two assignments that take language classes during PST. Creole is still spoken in those locations. Little did I know that Vincy's have their very own local language. I can go an entire van ride and have NO idea what was said, I can sit at dinner and be completely lost until my family laughs or says JESSICA?? I'm VERY excited to improve my ability to understand and speak the local dialect as time goes on.
*Vans- The vans...oh the infamous Vincentian VANS how do I even begin to describe the experience. First off , its completely different from St. Lucia so that was a fake out. The van system here is divided into towns or villages. Each town has its own group of vans that are privately owned by individuals. Its almost like a mix between a taxi and a bus. The names range from " Krunkest, Blade, Gifted, Precious, Da boi" and the list goes on. There are only 5 vans that go to my village which means a lot of waiting and cramming in to fit as many people as possible on the van. Usually its about 25 people on a 15 passenger type van. You hale them like a cab but the route is predetermined like a bus. Good stuff I tell you lol There have been no two days alike thus far...will post pics soon.
*Rain -Apparently this is suppose to be the start of the dry season but it has been raining everyday since we arrived. Usually its just small passing showers about 5 times a day lasting maybe 10 minutes tops but sometimes they last longer. Most people just stop what they are doing if on the street and seek shelter until it passes. I toyed with the idea of packing rainboots for the "wet season" but I think its safe to say in 80 degree down pour I would look a tad odd, I haven't seen any yet hmmmm
*Valley My final note is about my village. The Mesopotamia/Marriaqua Valley- Excerpt:
"This vast expanse of land is so luxuriant and evergreen with virtually every tropical crop growing in the rich fertile soils of St. Vincent. The Valley, viewed from a specific location on the island, offers a spectacular panoramic view of what is often referred as the “islands breadbasket” containing plots of bananas, nutmeg, cocoa, breadfruit, coconut and a multitude of root crops. The grand Bonhomme Mountain (318 ft, 970 metres) dominates the ridges that rises around the valley and a number of streams and rivers come together to flow over the rocks of the Yambou Gorge; in the small town of Mesopotamia (“Mespo”), before entering the sea on the east coast of the island.
Sometimes I wake up and this all still feels surreal. I smile as I hear the roosters or the dogs sounding the wake up calls in the morning. It has been nice to allow myself to wake up to the sounds of nature or the sun gently tugging at my eyelids, is this real? Am I really here? I feel like a child on Christmas morning waiting to unwrap the various surprises, treasures and gifts that await me as I embrace each day with open arms.
Even in the midst of soggy pants, wet feet, overstuffed bags, cold showers, hour long van waits, overcrowded vans and not understanding 70% of what I hear any given day I continue to be overwhelmed with joy and appreciation for the beauty encountered within each moment. The gift of "first sight", new sight...the ability to "fall sweetly into the miracle of ones presence upon the first time truly seeing another.", this makes it all worth it.
The night before departure : Total melt down! lol In hindsight I can laugh now, hopefully bestie can laugh as well. Some of the girls came over to hang out and "help" with the final packing. Great idea right?? Wrong! Somehow I managed to overlook luggage dimensions listed on the PC Baggage advisory. Long story short thank goodness for Walmart and great friends. By the time I got my 2 bags packed and my personal items and cleaned the room it was about 2:30am, eek! Trek it over to Michelle's to complete the final touches, only problem is she had my favorite cheese AND 2 episodes of RHOA that I had missed...hmmm finish packing or catch up on episodes of RHOA while munching on my favorite cheese?? Go figure. A break turned into a nap. We were suppose to head to the airport @ 5:30 am. Around 5:15 I looked around an realized I still had a ton of stuff to "sort through" that were intended to fit in my carry on bags. ~ME: (knock knock on Chels door) Chel?? I NEED HELP Chel: " OH ___beep__ I was suppose to get up at 5am, are you done?? ME: No, and Im hyperventilating , I can't miss my flight, I have to take a shower, I can't breathe. Chel: Go take a shower, I will finish the rest!~ We made it out on time and I made it on my flight . Both Teary eyed and a mess, but we made it.
St. Lucia: St. Lucia was wonderful!! I met so many amazing people in my training class. We stayed at the Pastoral Center, it was kind of like living in a dorm all over again. The view was gorgeous and we were spoiled by being walking distance from the beach. Late nights full of card games, taboo, music exchanges, book trades and great conversation- what more can you ask for? I also got to meet some of the volunteers who are currently serving in St. Lucia, cool group of ladies! Wonderful way to start of PST
St. Vincent: Felt like home as soon as we touched down! lol Our group had the longest wait at the airport (arrived @ 7am and flew out at 12pm) and probably the longest wait upon arriving to SVG haha. I think it's a reflection of the personalities in the group to be able to travel with 11 strangers with no major hang ups. I think we were all excited to meet our SVG PC staff , current PCVs and most of all our homestay families! Long day but I think it brought us all a little closer.
*Homestay: This is the start of week 2 at my homestay and I already feel like this is my refuge. My host family is very considerate and sweet. They are patient with me and allow me to ask as many questions as needed about anything. I get wonderful vegetarian meals prepared everyday! I will share some of the dishes in future post. There are 5-6 other people that live on the property, everyone contributes in some way to make the household run smoothly. My host mother is a florist and my host sister is a chef in training. Two of my goals while here are to learn how to make some authentic Vincy dishes and to turn my black thumb into green.
There is a pretty heavy local dialect spoken here in St. Vincent. I kind of felt like I was missing out on language exposure since St. Lucia and Dominica were the only two assignments that take language classes during PST. Creole is still spoken in those locations. Little did I know that Vincy's have their very own local language. I can go an entire van ride and have NO idea what was said, I can sit at dinner and be completely lost until my family laughs or says JESSICA?? I'm VERY excited to improve my ability to understand and speak the local dialect as time goes on.
*Vans- The vans...oh the infamous Vincentian VANS how do I even begin to describe the experience. First off , its completely different from St. Lucia so that was a fake out. The van system here is divided into towns or villages. Each town has its own group of vans that are privately owned by individuals. Its almost like a mix between a taxi and a bus. The names range from " Krunkest, Blade, Gifted, Precious, Da boi" and the list goes on. There are only 5 vans that go to my village which means a lot of waiting and cramming in to fit as many people as possible on the van. Usually its about 25 people on a 15 passenger type van. You hale them like a cab but the route is predetermined like a bus. Good stuff I tell you lol There have been no two days alike thus far...will post pics soon.
*Rain -Apparently this is suppose to be the start of the dry season but it has been raining everyday since we arrived. Usually its just small passing showers about 5 times a day lasting maybe 10 minutes tops but sometimes they last longer. Most people just stop what they are doing if on the street and seek shelter until it passes. I toyed with the idea of packing rainboots for the "wet season" but I think its safe to say in 80 degree down pour I would look a tad odd, I haven't seen any yet hmmmm
*Valley My final note is about my village. The Mesopotamia/Marriaqua Valley- Excerpt:
"This vast expanse of land is so luxuriant and evergreen with virtually every tropical crop growing in the rich fertile soils of St. Vincent. The Valley, viewed from a specific location on the island, offers a spectacular panoramic view of what is often referred as the “islands breadbasket” containing plots of bananas, nutmeg, cocoa, breadfruit, coconut and a multitude of root crops. The grand Bonhomme Mountain (318 ft, 970 metres) dominates the ridges that rises around the valley and a number of streams and rivers come together to flow over the rocks of the Yambou Gorge; in the small town of Mesopotamia (“Mespo”), before entering the sea on the east coast of the island.
Sometimes I wake up and this all still feels surreal. I smile as I hear the roosters or the dogs sounding the wake up calls in the morning. It has been nice to allow myself to wake up to the sounds of nature or the sun gently tugging at my eyelids, is this real? Am I really here? I feel like a child on Christmas morning waiting to unwrap the various surprises, treasures and gifts that await me as I embrace each day with open arms.
Even in the midst of soggy pants, wet feet, overstuffed bags, cold showers, hour long van waits, overcrowded vans and not understanding 70% of what I hear any given day I continue to be overwhelmed with joy and appreciation for the beauty encountered within each moment. The gift of "first sight", new sight...the ability to "fall sweetly into the miracle of ones presence upon the first time truly seeing another.", this makes it all worth it.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
4 days til departure!
I am 4 days out from my departure date. I am extremely excited, yet still experiencing a wave of mixed emotions. . Tomorrow I arrive back in Atlanta at 7pm and have the pleasure of looking forward to a final going away gathering hosted by my fabulous bestie Michelle I am so blessed to have so many amazing people in my life. My family is my rock , my friends are rays of light, I am grateful . I am very sad to have to say goodbye to so many beautiful people, but I am definitely just as excited to welcome my new extended family and friends into my life.
I leave from Miami and arrive in St. Lucia for a week of training next Friday. Your thoughts and prayers are always welcome :)
Friday, January 21, 2011
Scatter Brained
1/21/11
So I only have 24 minutes to type this entry. Of course the mood strikes me type my first entry while I’m flying no power plug. I just left my parents behind in Oklahoma L With 6 days to go before I take off for staging. I have been very scattered and all over the place the last few weeks. Mainly due to my inability to figure out an efficient way to fit my life into 2 bags totaling 80 lbs. The main reason this is such a task is because I am trying to be prepared for EVERY situation possible. I left a load of stuff at my parent’s house with my baby Jeep , going to miss that car. But some how I managed to return home with 2 suitcases full of “miscellaneous items”. Now don’t get me wrong, these items don’t seem so miscellaneous when you are preparing to live in another country for two years! Maybe going to Sams club with my Mother was not the best idea. We stocked up on enough cartons of “just in case” items to stock a small village : Imodium, Pepto, Tylenol, Advil ( which my mother insisted on getting both because one is more for headaches and the other is for muscles pains lol), Ambesol, hand sanitizer , wet wipes, lotion, dove, deodorant, toothpaste…and the list goes on.
When I started to repack my bags I realized that I had truly overdone myself and was in for a miserable treat when I returned to Atlanta. There is no way all this stuff is going to fit once I add my shoes, clothes and books. *sigh*. Hopefully with an emergency call to some close friends I will be able to down size, well I guess I don’t have a choice. I will downsize and make it fit. I REFUSE to be the city gal who strolls into staging with the huge overflowing bags looking like a damsel in distress, no way, not me.
So enough rambling, how am I feeling I bet you are wondering? I can’t even really verbalize it at this point. There are moments when I get hit with burst of excitement ready to meet my training class. I am really looking forward to getting to know all the other volunteers that are shipping out with me on the 27th. I am sure there will be quite a diverse group of people from different walks of life. On the other hand there are moments in the day where I feel like a huge ball of anxiety is stuck in my throat blocking any attempts I make to indulge in any sort of self soothing techniques. Relax and count to 10 I tell myself, visualize a peaceful place, inhale …6 7 8, exhale 3 2 1….but nothing, it won’t budge, it doesn’t move. Just a big ball of blockage chilling in my throat. Another part of me is scared. Scared of the unknown, scared of being unprepared, scared of not adjusting fast enough, scared of a bad case of diarrhea and not having an adequate amount of toilet paper to handle my business. Oh and bats? Yes let’s not even get into the bats and snakes dreams.
With all that said I have decided to chill out on reading the PC blogs. It served its purpose but at this point I just want to re-center myself and enter into this experience with a clear and present mind. I EXPECT the UNEXPECTED, and I think that’s about all I need to get me through any difficulties which may arise. Overall I am apt to find the silver lining in any situation, the best part about this is the entire experience, this wonderful opportunity that I was chosen to embark on IS THE SILVER LINING. I am so grateful for all that I have been able to accomplish in the last 28 years of my life. I am wide open to exploring the vast possibilities that lie ahead…infinite, uncharted territories of my life. *cheers*
So I only have 24 minutes to type this entry. Of course the mood strikes me type my first entry while I’m flying no power plug. I just left my parents behind in Oklahoma L With 6 days to go before I take off for staging. I have been very scattered and all over the place the last few weeks. Mainly due to my inability to figure out an efficient way to fit my life into 2 bags totaling 80 lbs. The main reason this is such a task is because I am trying to be prepared for EVERY situation possible. I left a load of stuff at my parent’s house with my baby Jeep , going to miss that car. But some how I managed to return home with 2 suitcases full of “miscellaneous items”. Now don’t get me wrong, these items don’t seem so miscellaneous when you are preparing to live in another country for two years! Maybe going to Sams club with my Mother was not the best idea. We stocked up on enough cartons of “just in case” items to stock a small village : Imodium, Pepto, Tylenol, Advil ( which my mother insisted on getting both because one is more for headaches and the other is for muscles pains lol), Ambesol, hand sanitizer , wet wipes, lotion, dove, deodorant, toothpaste…and the list goes on.
When I started to repack my bags I realized that I had truly overdone myself and was in for a miserable treat when I returned to Atlanta. There is no way all this stuff is going to fit once I add my shoes, clothes and books. *sigh*. Hopefully with an emergency call to some close friends I will be able to down size, well I guess I don’t have a choice. I will downsize and make it fit. I REFUSE to be the city gal who strolls into staging with the huge overflowing bags looking like a damsel in distress, no way, not me.
So enough rambling, how am I feeling I bet you are wondering? I can’t even really verbalize it at this point. There are moments when I get hit with burst of excitement ready to meet my training class. I am really looking forward to getting to know all the other volunteers that are shipping out with me on the 27th. I am sure there will be quite a diverse group of people from different walks of life. On the other hand there are moments in the day where I feel like a huge ball of anxiety is stuck in my throat blocking any attempts I make to indulge in any sort of self soothing techniques. Relax and count to 10 I tell myself, visualize a peaceful place, inhale …6 7 8, exhale 3 2 1….but nothing, it won’t budge, it doesn’t move. Just a big ball of blockage chilling in my throat. Another part of me is scared. Scared of the unknown, scared of being unprepared, scared of not adjusting fast enough, scared of a bad case of diarrhea and not having an adequate amount of toilet paper to handle my business. Oh and bats? Yes let’s not even get into the bats and snakes dreams.
With all that said I have decided to chill out on reading the PC blogs. It served its purpose but at this point I just want to re-center myself and enter into this experience with a clear and present mind. I EXPECT the UNEXPECTED, and I think that’s about all I need to get me through any difficulties which may arise. Overall I am apt to find the silver lining in any situation, the best part about this is the entire experience, this wonderful opportunity that I was chosen to embark on IS THE SILVER LINING. I am so grateful for all that I have been able to accomplish in the last 28 years of my life. I am wide open to exploring the vast possibilities that lie ahead…infinite, uncharted territories of my life. *cheers*
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