Scatter Brained

1/21/11

So I only have 24 minutes to type this entry. Of course the mood strikes me type my first entry while I’m flying no power plug. I just left my parents behind in Oklahoma L With 6 days to go before I take off for staging. I have been very scattered and all over the place the last few weeks. Mainly due to my inability to figure out an efficient way to fit my life into 2 bags totaling 80 lbs. The main reason this is such a task is because I am trying to be prepared for EVERY situation possible. I left a load of stuff at my parent’s house with my baby Jeep , going to miss that car. But some how I managed to return home with 2 suitcases full of “miscellaneous items”. Now don’t get me wrong, these items don’t seem so miscellaneous when you are preparing to live in another country for two years! Maybe going to Sams club with my Mother was not the best idea. We stocked up on enough cartons of “just in case” items to stock a small village : Imodium, Pepto, Tylenol, Advil ( which my mother insisted on getting both because one is more for headaches and the other is for muscles pains lol), Ambesol, hand sanitizer , wet wipes, lotion, dove, deodorant, toothpaste…and the list goes on.
When I started to repack my bags I realized that I had truly overdone myself and was in for a miserable treat when I returned to Atlanta. There is no way all this stuff is going to fit once I add my shoes, clothes and books. *sigh*. Hopefully with an emergency call to some close friends I will be able to down size, well I guess I don’t have a choice. I will downsize and make it fit. I REFUSE to be the city gal who strolls into staging with the huge overflowing bags looking like a damsel in distress, no way, not me.
So enough rambling, how am I feeling I bet you are wondering? I can’t even really verbalize it at this point. There are moments when I get hit with burst of excitement ready to meet my training class. I am really looking forward to getting to know all the other volunteers that are shipping out with me on the 27th. I am sure there will be quite a diverse group of people from different walks of life. On the other hand there are moments in the day where I feel like a huge ball of anxiety is stuck in my throat blocking any attempts I make to indulge in any sort of self soothing techniques. Relax and count to 10 I tell myself, visualize a peaceful place, inhale …6 7 8, exhale 3 2 1….but nothing, it won’t budge, it doesn’t move. Just a big ball of blockage chilling in my throat. Another part of me is scared. Scared of the unknown, scared of being unprepared, scared of not adjusting fast enough, scared of a bad case of diarrhea and not having an adequate amount of toilet paper to handle my business. Oh and bats? Yes let’s not even get into the bats and snakes dreams.

With all that said I have decided to chill out on reading the PC blogs. It served its purpose but at this point I just want to re-center myself and enter into this experience with a clear and present mind. I EXPECT the UNEXPECTED, and I think that’s about all I need to get me through any difficulties which may arise. Overall I am apt to find the silver lining in any situation, the best part about this is the entire experience, this wonderful opportunity that I was chosen to embark on IS THE SILVER LINING. I am so grateful for all that I have been able to accomplish in the last 28 years of my life. I am wide open to exploring the vast possibilities that lie ahead…infinite, uncharted territories of my life. *cheers*